pinkpill time

Atmo: Mateo's Mixtape (Mateo's so GOOD)
Mood: Contemplative (I can't believe either)
Appetite: Zero (Nothing NEW here)

Yes, I am wallowing again. I just remembered when I was still in high school. I have a pretty solid plan that I'm going to finish college and fly to Cali and have a good start there. I don't know what happened...I chickened out. I got scared of moving so far away from my family. Thinking that I can't really survive being away. Away from my safety zone, from my closest friends who I can always depend n no matter how sh*^&ty my case is and away from the places where I can always find peace and think really deep. Thinking about it now is giving me a very sick feeling of regret. I wanna deny it but I just can't. My cowardliness put me a deeper s*^&. It slowed me down to neverville, where independence never exist. I had my chance and I blew it. I just gave a bigger excuse to myself not grow up. To be that brat that I will always be. I feel so sorry about my parents now for having me. I'm giving them too much load to carry. I'm a big wreck, a coward and a loser. I need to get back on my feet big time! Alright, I will be very very focus...stick to my list and everything will be good. Palm Sunday is really giving me a very very harsh time...