pinkpill time

Atmo: Mateo's Mixtape (Mateo's so GOOD)
Mood: Contemplative (I can't believe either)
Appetite: Zero (Nothing NEW here)

Yes, I am wallowing again. I just remembered when I was still in high school. I have a pretty solid plan that I'm going to finish college and fly to Cali and have a good start there. I don't know what happened...I chickened out. I got scared of moving so far away from my family. Thinking that I can't really survive being away. Away from my safety zone, from my closest friends who I can always depend n no matter how sh*^&ty my case is and away from the places where I can always find peace and think really deep. Thinking about it now is giving me a very sick feeling of regret. I wanna deny it but I just can't. My cowardliness put me a deeper s*^&. It slowed me down to neverville, where independence never exist. I had my chance and I blew it. I just gave a bigger excuse to myself not grow up. To be that brat that I will always be. I feel so sorry about my parents now for having me. I'm giving them too much load to carry. I'm a big wreck, a coward and a loser. I need to get back on my feet big time! Alright, I will be very very focus...stick to my list and everything will be good. Palm Sunday is really giving me a very very harsh time...

It's so ironic that I find happiness to another person's misery. I know that I'm into soft S&M but I just accepted the fact that I'm feeling a different kind of JOY whenever I see a person being miserable about their own love life. I know it sounds strange but I love this new discovery about my self. I'm liking the road that I'm taking now. I'm on my way to numbness, not falling for the idea of being in love and not feeling any misery being not in love. Well the crave for making love is still there and it's easy to swing by so I guess I will just really welcome this new emotion I've discovered. I will be the missing ingredient to other people miserable love life. I'm so glad that I watched "Vicky Cristina Barcelona", if it wasn't for that flick I wouldn't come to this realization. I really saw myself to Cristina--knowing what not to like and not knowing what to like. Damn! I have to buy more cigs.

a. Write something about 15 different people
b. You can NOT say who they are
c. If someone asks you which one is about them, you can NOT tell
d. Tag 15 people who you think would do this, too. You don't have to tag the people you wrote about.

1. Why don't you just admit that you like it when I'm teasing you? Is really too hard for you to be so honest about your feelings? shhhhhhhhhaaaaaaaiiiiiiiiiissssssshhhhhhhtttttt.....

2 I'm so tired of you, STOP GIVING ME FALSE HOPES YOU A*&$%L# YOU! sheeeeesh....

3 Hoy ibalik mo yung camera ko and yung cellphone ko!

4. I really like you but I know that your not into you know...hihi

5. Thank you for still caring for me after what happened....

6. Sorry pero ang immature mo naman if galit ka pa din sakin! Bata pa tayo nun noh!

7. Please stop flirting with me. You're the one who pushed me away so just let me go..please....

8. Man your PURE PLASTIC!!!

9. Sana kapatid na lang kita..(^_^)

10. Mukhang PERA!

11. Please stop living in an imaginary world that you created kasi nakakatakot ka na talaga!

12. Please stop manipulating the people around you...it's so unhealthy?;P

13. Balik ka na please...T-T

14. I really think we're going to be good friend so don't be shy to ask help if you need any. I'm not a god you know..=)

15. It's sometimes healthy to be alone so please stop bugging me!


haaaaaaayyyy...I'm so relieved...;P

I was just chatting with a Edd (a friend here in Cebu) and he shared me think link below:

One thing I realized about not having to work, you get to enjoy the things you normally do. Like having coffee for one. I always have coffee before going to work and still go online and update stuff but it's timed and it's as if I'm being rushed. I never get to actually think of the things that I was really suppose to be doing and just think of the things that I have to do right now because it's my job. I get to enjoy it but not as fun as taking pictures or painting. I mean yes, I always take pictures of myself or when we go out every weekend but it's different if you get to go to different places and just take pictures. Appreciating your object and making it your star. Well painting, I never get to do that anymore. I kind of stopped when I went to college, but I miss it BIGTIME! So i really should do everything in my list huh? Well I need to accomplish the first number item in my list, 1. Open a saving account that will actually last.I cant do the things I love if I'm broke right?=)

ciao! ciao!

Sorry but I just can't stop myself from blogging about it.

Why do poor people tend to always judge gay people when they see one?

I was just on my way to Brown Cup (Cheap coffee shop in our building) to have coffee with a Naina (good friend in the house and in the office) when this jeepney driver had to pee and he actually showed his small package and gave me an inviting look. Why do they always do that? Do I look like a perv? I know I haven't had sex for awhile but I'm not just gonna do it with anybody?! gawd! I just hate them. I remembered one friend who had the same experience with construction workers who actually whistled and shouted at him as if he's asking to be violated like that. They really need to change their attitude. It's making me hate poor people now. I don't wanna belittle them but times like this just makes me hate them and think that they deserve their state.

Don't hate me for writing this, I'm just really pissed...that's all.;P

I am 25 today, a year older and hoping that I am actually wiser. I was really not excited about this, not at all. I made a lot of plans before and I was not to pursue all of them. For one, I wasn't able to finish my studies. I'm totally responsible for not having time and courage to go back to school. I'm just afraid to fail my parents again. I want to do it on my own now. If I'm going back to school, I want to finance myself for my studies. But I'm not going to lie, I will let them help me pay the tuition.=)...Well I can't afford it right now, see it's number 2 in my list (Reality Bites).

I still don't have that artsy shop that I've been dreaming for. That's because of me not changing my lifestyle. I'm to scared to step out of my comfort zone. For one, I can't give up eating out. I just don't know how to keep myself from not craving for fancy restos and the like. I have given up going out every weekend but I can't give out my sunny afternoons in SBC, CBTL or Starbucks. I'm not ready to stay away from coffee. Well I can't survive not getting a cup. Well I'm trying to cut some cost because I'm getting my daily dose in Brown Cup (Small Coffee Shop in our building who has a free Wifi connection and serves an amazing plate of Pesto Chops). So I did try huh?

I have cut down on shopping. Since I'm here in Cebu and there are only three grand malls here, it actually helped me. Some of the shops that I love are in Manila so I don't have much of the urge to actually do much shopping. So I have progressed a bit. All I need now to not lose my focus and just move forward.

I am 25 now and I'm actually wiser. (Shaaaaaisht...I actually wrote somethings that doesn't involve love issues and all that drama! Goody!)